Free Write

​2 a.m. and up again thinking

The droplets hit the tub and I’m wrapping up in blankets 

One pill

Two pills

Three pills and I’m lying on the floor

Holes in my socks

My feet on freezing cold cement

The heat barely reaches the spaces in my sweater
 One pill

Two pills 

too more

It’s 3 a.m. and I am still waiting til 4

I read your broken letters and I’m staring at the door

Another hour passes and I am shivering through this one

The heater has stopped working

The class had just begun

My brain is finally tipping and my heart is pushing mud

Head lulling around me

Lift my neck for fun
I’m crawling to the outside


I am back in bed
My eyelids roll

I have forgotten everything 

I have said