I am an extreme person with grand emotions and radical thinking. I am not complacent. I love with my entire soul or not at all and I am broken beyond words because of that.
My life has been years and years on rough seas. Most days I’m barely afloat. How can I rescue anyone else?
I have to turn off my emotions to keep from going overboard. It’s not that I don’t want to love you, I just know that I have no self control once I do.
So I built myself a little home. And I hide myself, using elaborate walls. I am comfortable here. I am safe here but I am very very alone.
My question is, how could you ever love this? I am too much of everything. Too intense. Too sad. Too independent. I am willful and do not ask permission. I will not submit.
This does not mean I am not loyal. I am loyal until death. Even when you are lying to my face and you have thrown me to the wolves. I will be penniless and cut into scraps and still offer everything left to you.
I think people see this and they know. The bad ones take it all. But they are the only ones brave enough to come close.
I know that I scare you and I know that we are scarred and beaten. I also know that when I find you, it will be the wrong time and in the wrong place but that fate aligns when we least expect it.
What do you know that I don’t? What can you show me that hasnt already been a fleeting passion or a passing fantasy? I will keep searching with uncertainty. I think that I will find you in pieces of others but never get any of it.
I am just close enough for a taste. Never full. Always exhausted.
Maybe you are too, or maybe you are nothing. But I wait for you, on quiet nights, in hot showers, bathing in sunlight and sleeping under the stars.
I am waiting and I am writing.