I Almost Forgot

I open a page 

And get that reminder of 
How I was never enough for you

I almost forgot for a moment

Today is your birthday and I recall the last we spent on mine 
The day you told I did not make a difference

I have to pass this mark each year in contemplation 
On that night we began
20 to 28 years
And still the memory haunts me daily

I saw the hands you now hold
Her fingers long and thin
Like the rest of her
She must have been quite the thing to conquer

I look down at my short legs
My bulging tummy
I touch my round face
There is nothing angular or sharp
About me 
I must bear in mind that men want women and not little girls
So I keep scratching at these pages

I sent you a text a 2 a.m.
I know
I know I should not have 
But the instinct to love you is still bred in me
And I find your name always dancing on the tip of my tongue

You tell me you went to the hospital again

I wanted to tell you 

please come home to me

I say I wish I could have been the one you found yourself in
I admit I am not the one that you can fit

You tell me, I always was
I was always there…
Still I can not help but remember