Anxiety · Creative Writing · depersonalization · Depression · Disassociation · Free Write · Personal · Poetry · Writing

Depersonalization or Disassociation?

When it happens I feel as though I have never existed but also that I have been in this state for all of eternity.

I can feel the beginning of the universe forming, deep within my bones, I can see these stars, and then I observe myself floating away.

I can no longer feel my body. I look down at my hands and do not recognize them. They feel foreign and unfamiliar.

My heart starts to pound as I look around. Grasping for anything that will send me back to reality.

Minutes, or perhaps only seconds pass. The moment continues on for an uncertain measurement.

Panic sets in and I remember:

I can recall this ancient sensation. The one that brought me here in the first place. I remember the feeling of the cold, dark beginnings but also the warmth of the sun.

I manage to pull my consciousness back between my ears. The reel stops. I am numb and in my body again.