Creative Writing · Dark · Death · Depression · Free Write · Healing · I Miss You · Melancholy · Poetry · Relationships · Sadness · TW:Suicide · Writing

Aches and Pains

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A part of me longs to be with you

Blowing off the side of the bridge into the wind

Our bodies wrapping around and through one another

Our souls intertwined for eternity

Nothing between us

No one to separate our love

I yearn for the little boy you were

And the man I fell in love with

I ache for my best friend

To be hand in hand with you again

I wasn’t there to see you go

But I know you are waiting for me

With each breathe

I feel you entering my lungs

Pumping my blood

Your life and your death have fueled me

And the fire burns deep within

The flames and the heat

Ignite the night

I sleep through the daylight

Waiting to meet you once more

Like we have done

In so many lifetimes before

Death · Depression · Free Write · Melancholy · Sadness · Writing

So Much So

So much so.

I’m broken in 12 different ways.

A million pieces of you.

You used to tell me,

“I won’t live to see 40.”

I laughed because I didn’t want it to be true.

I thought we would walk together into

our 60’s, our 80’s.

The memories of drunken nights

And wishing to die would fade into our past.

We were punk rock kids.

Misfits and the downtrodden.

We were too broken for this world and too crazy together.

That’s what happens to unrecognized lovers.

Black as night, our pain becomes our number.

Yours was called and I wanted mine sooner.

I don’t want to live in a world without you.

I mourned you once.

Mourned you two times.

I will mourn you everyday for the rest of my life.

Broken Up · Creative Writing · Depression · Healing · I Miss You · Melancholy · Personal · Poetry · Sadness · Writing

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I am still in love with you.

Most days.

Even when I hate you and I know we are no good for each other.

I go only short amounts of time before you pass through my thoughts again.

My heart breaks every time I read your words.

I want to write back.

I would send you a thousand lines of the love I have for you… but I know your time is fleeting.

And I spend countless days in recovery.

I want to see you and hold your hand.

I want to walk in the rain and shoot shotguns at the night sky wearing nothing but the bad attitude that clings to people like me and you.

But I know I can not have my heart broken again and I can’t help but think you may be my broken heart.

I have you always.

Pulsating in the cavern of my chest.

I have felt you a thousand years and back.

Do you feel me too?

I have always wondered.

Am I a play thing, a fantasy, a destiny?

I cry out at night.

I wake up and you are still not beside me.

My heart lingers of that place where maybe you once love me.

I walk away from you, a trail of crumbs to my heart.

Creative Writing · Dark · Depression · Free Write · I Miss You · Melancholy · Personal · Poetry · Relationships · Sadness · Writing

I am hurting right now. I wish I could fix you. I wish I could mend us.

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You have no fucking clue

No idea of how much this hurts me

How much I want to hear your voice again

And hold your hand

The thought of your broken heart rips me

I am shredded to my core

Because of you

I want to tell you.

“Come to me. I will hold you.

I will take your pain for a moment.

I will lighten your burden.”

But I know, that you can not make that

That you can not have just a little

You are always too much

And I am always wanting it

Even when I know I should not

I wish I could take away your sickness

I wish I could make a new beginning

Or a beautiful ending

One that does not stop with your darkness

I pray to Gods and all that is Holy

For you to be healed

Please know I am waiting

I am believing

But I also know

I can not walk beside you

Creative Writing · Dark · Depression · Emotional Abuse · Free Write · Melancholy · Poetry · Psychological Abuse · Reflection · Sadness · Self-harm · Writing

Beauty and the Beast

Tw:suicide, self-harm

It was New Year’s day and I sat curled up in the oversized arm chair thinking, “I deserve so much better than this.”

That’s when I knew it was the end. That it was over and there was no going back.


Reasoning these actions:


That I should not have to be up all night rocking back and forth. Wondering where you are and who you are doing. Fearing the possibilities of what the next horrible thing you will do, without a care  or second thought for me. Driving myself insane trying to decipher truth from your lies….deciding it would be better to die than to live through another day with your sickness.


This is the point I got to. I looked at the hole you punched in the wall. The mess of your clothes on the closet floor. Empty bottles all around our big and lonely apartment. Where did I go wrong?


A million answers and I can not find the only belt I own. I know the guns are no longer at home.


Swollen eyes. Gashes on my legs. I am shaking on the floor again and looking for a way. I watched my world crumbling around me as a natural disaster.  Too incredible and unbelievable to look away.  I could not conceive how you left me in such a state.


You are every broken piece in me.


And I decided a while back that was never going to change. You still rattle about inside of me but I keep you in a cage. You are the moster I run from. The beast I try to hide. 

Dark · Dreams · Free Write · I Miss You · Melancholy · Poetry · Sadness · Writing

I think you left today and I still want to save you. 

In that big house mixed with rooms we used to sleep in. Used to be together in.

You have a brother and I can’t remember where he came from.

On the old box tv with knobs and fuzzy faces.

Billie Jean plays on…

On that futon I lay across you.

I look you in the face and tell you I love you.

I know your mind is floating elsewhere.

Your brother joins and kisses me. His hands down my pants.

Still you do not notice.

Still you do not care.


The house is filled with cheap kids, punk rockers, old drunks.

The usuals.

They say they need me to get them liquor.

You say you want to come.

But the house turns dry and the heroin fades.


You say I am off the hook and to go away.

I place a glass lamp on your head and pour the water in.

I see you drowning.

I see you gasping.

Please don’t.


I keep turning over the globe but the liquid consumes your face.

I yell I am sorry.

I am so sorry.

I love you.

Please don’t die.

I try to smash this glass prison.

I smash it over and over on the cement.

They say the man isnt real.

But my best friend is on my left.


I scream until I am gasping and I wake inside my bed.

I long always to save you, into the reaches of my head.