All I want is for you to be okay, to be better.
To be anything other than broken.
But I know I can not fix you.
I can not try to put you back together while I am falling into pieces.
Please understand I want to, oh how desperately I want to hold you and listen to music and feed you.
I want to laugh.
I want to love you….but I just can’t.
If you could understand the restraint it takes for me.
To go one day then one more..
They don’t have AA for person addicts.
And I wonder how much more you could possibly break me. Surely there is another piece you could take from everything I have worked so hard to build.
I loved you and you told me you were not in love with me.
You left me for another woman and now you want me again.
What happens when you change your mind…again?
My heart is not a pair of socks or a hairstyle. You can’t just throw me out or clip me away when you feel the need. It’s not fucking fair. Or right.
It’s not about hating you, I could never do that.
It’s not about hurting you or seeking revenge.
It’s about loving myself, something I neglected to do and can not seem to manage to do in your presence.